TONS OF Updates!
* As of today, all my videos together have reached more than 100,00 views! Woohoo!
* My article “My Social World: Inside An Autistic’s Mind,” came out in the new 4-color magazine of the Autism Society (it is in print, so I have shared it below.
* I was on The Coffe Klatch (www.TheCoffeeKlatch.com) twitter program twice.
* Hartleyboys.com interviewed me on their blog at http://www.hartleysboys.com/2010/04/interview-with-taylor-morris.html. We had more than 100 people share it from the blog to facebook and 20 tweets from the blog–even more within facebook and on twitter.
* I just started a facebook fan page and we already have almost 600+ fans! (Join me at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Autism-Aspergers-Meet-Taylor-Morris/116762365000914 and we will have even more).
* Exceptional Parent TV interviewed me (see http://www.exceptionalfamilytv.com) and I will let you know when that is on as soon as I know!
That is it! Have a great day and remember, There Is Always Hope! Taylor
My Social World: Inside an Autistic’s Psyche
By Taylor Morris
Just before class I hear a necklace jingle around the neck of a pretty girl. She is gossiping with another pretty girl, who is twirling her pretty hair and talking about the awesome party where some other pretty girl ruined her dress with a beer stain. At the other end of the class, I listen to yet another pretty girl complain to her pretty best friend about how her make-up wasn’t done just right — she is not pretty enough. Meanwhile I’m on my own, at my desk, looking at my calloused hands and unkempt nails thinking: “The jewelry, the hair, the clothes and the make–up — it’s all their social games. Their value, their conversations, their lives. How do they devote so much time and money to that? How do they know just what to say to get “groupies” to follow them?” I sigh and shake my head, thinking of how I don’t own a dress, how I wear the same earrings every day, and how I never seem to understand when they speak in what seems like code. With this, I’m once again reminded of how I’m an unwitting member of a social “game” I don’t really know how to play. Having an Aspie mind is a hard-enough social challenge; add to that the complexities of a high school girl’s social world and hierarchy and you have just added insult to injury.
Over the years I have learned to associate the word “social” with scenes like these. I never have understood the social culture people practice. I just don’t have the ability to “sense” like neurotypicals because my thoughts are literal, not intuitive. My mind is heuristic, so I behave in accordance with what I see and directly experience. I can’t “sense” whether or not I’m winning over a person. I have to wait and see how they treat me in the weeks after I have met them. This creates a whole new challenge in meeting people and making friends, especially girlfriends.
However, I have learned to use my style of mind to my advantage. For example, I use heuristics to decide which people I should and should not try to be-friend. I know from experience that girls who hang out in large groups of other girls tend to be mean to me. Because of this, I know to not try to connect with them. Same goes for girls who wear shirts worth more then my earrings, girls who wear more make-up in a day than I do in a year, and those who match their entire outfit a bit too perfectly. This may seem ridiculous because everyone knows someone who wears a mountain of make-up but is still very nice. Even so, over the years I have found that these heuristics work well. Many of the people I have excluded often did end up being the exact kind of people I want to avoid. I know these “rules” in deciding who I will try to interact with are polarizing to an extent, but they are how I have used my mind to find my way through a social game. Using this method, I have successfully identified girls who became my best friends. They don’t judge me for being slightly different and don’t hold it against me for not having the best sense of style. They have judged me by my character, and that is all I ever really wanted.
Taylor,
I enjoyed your article “My Social World: Inside an Autistic’s Psyche”. I am now 28 years old, but experienced similar discomforts in middle and high school as the ones you describe. I was never given a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, but always felt a definite social awkwardness, sometimes to the point of being severely socially uncomfortable and not having a solid social identity. I even felt awkward at times with my family and just kind of conformed to social mores in order to fit in since I had no invitation to communicate or describe my discomfort to anyone in my life. Perhaps I was so good at hiding my discomfort that no one would ever have thought anything was wrong. I think a lot of times I couldn’t easily figure out why social mores were so important, but I didn’t know why I was confused and I also knew that they were important to others and so I went along and “played the part”. I didn’t go so far as to conform to things I REALLY REALLY didn’t believe in, like purposely making fun of others, cheating on tests, smoking/drugs, or being friends with super “mean” people in order to fit in. But when it seemed acceptable enough, I conformed even without fully understanding why. I didn’t like that.
I got myself through the years without saying much to anyone about how I was feeling…I guess being smart and logical has its benefits…but it wasn’t without struggle and it certainly wasn’t without damage to my self esteem. It was a lonely climb. Maybe I would have been diagnosed if I had spoken up or hadn’t been able to cope as well on my own. Or maybe I am just someone who took a lot longer to find a way to fit in. I suppose that in a way, we all are somewhere on the spectrum of “disconnect from others”. I am now much more aware of my own experience and more aware of how social behavior functions in society. I tend to take the perspective that social behavior is something to be analyzed and studied, just like anything else in the world. By studying it, you can choose how you want (or don’t want) to participate in it. This is a much more empowered place to be than to feel a pressure to conform without knowing why you should conform. I don’t think that it is strange at all that people who really have the ability to think logically are often confused by human behavior!
I am so glad you have expressed your experience. You have gotten people to think and discuss, and that leads to better awareness, understanding, and action. The issues that challenge people with autism and Asperger’s are issues that affect a lot of other people in society, too. All human problems are connected in some way, and the beauty of the logical mind is that it strives to make sense of those connections, and to find solutions. Broad and deep discussion is so important and I am so glad you have spoken up!
Thank you,
Elizabeth